Spending your words
Nobody can fully know the magnitude of anything that a person may have lived through. It’s like the sweat at the back of your neck. You yourself wouldn’t be able to fully explain it if you had to.
When I first stepped into social sector, I saw how common it was here for people to belittle and dismiss each other’s experiences in the name of a debate. So many peers speak about being non-judgemental or safe listeners. But to me, it slowly appeared to be more of a case of convenience. At one point, I even began to think that maybe this was the way to be. To be brainy, you must question everything. Even people’s vulnerabilities. Social media has been another such place.
So after a few instances where I was told by people or friends that what I felt about my own stories and experiences were not the “right way” to feel or not “enough” is when I started thinking about this more seriously. I remember the crippling effect it would have on me. It made me confused and question myself. And trust me, both these seemingly routine emotions can be very hard to wash off. And eventually, even paralysing.
And then there have been some amazing people in the sector who have touched my life with their compassion and patience.
Whom I saw and learnt that acknowledging and absorbing in a conversation are just as critical as the act of speaking & listening.
Because in our world, we’ve always been taught to associate intelligence with speaking. Even when not necessary. One chance and people would vomit their wisdom to anyone. Because both acknowledging and absorbing require you to be okay with keeping your two cents in your own pocket. And god save us if we don’t get a chance to boast our minds, our gyaan.
I genuinely wish more people would pause over these words. And would control the urge of debating where it isn’t their place to debate. You might someday end up seeding doubts in a person who wouldn’t know how to come out of it. And that’ll be on you.
As Hesse says, it is not for me to judge another man’s life. I must judge, I must choose, I must spurn, purely for myself. For myself, alone.
I myself have learnt it the hard way.
-A
